


love like blood

by xundaeism



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Mob, Angst and Feels, Byun Baekhyun is Bad at Feelings, Emotional Porn, Getting Together, I'm Bad At Tagging, Light Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-21
Updated: 2020-07-21
Packaged: 2021-03-03 18:54:12
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,473
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24920377
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xundaeism/pseuds/xundaeism
Summary: Sehun had said the words, he had pleaded and asked. Multiple times, not one. Baekhyun had shrugged it off because Sehun always, always, always came back to him but, lately, Sehun gazes at him like he’s trying to contain the memory. Save it for later when he’s gone.
Relationships: Byun Baekhyun/Oh Sehun
Comments: 16
Kudos: 70
Collections: First Round





	love like blood

There is no centimeter of Baekhyun's body that does not yearn for Sehun. Of Sehun’s heartening touch that makes him give in to his deepest fears and qualms, of Sehun’s concealed caresses which lie to no one, of Sehun’s biblichor aroma that reminds Baekhyun how unquestionably normal the boy is.

Baekhyun chuckles to himself as he rubs the barrel of his Glock 26, laying on the desk between two pink and yellow highlighters and some fat books; he takes a seat by the  enormous window wall of Sehun’s apartment, you can see half of the city from there, that’s why Sehun loves it so much. Baekhyun loves it for other reasons.

He throws his head back to let it rest on the glass, takes a deep breath, and lets his mind wander between futile dreams and reveries. Meeting Sehun had been a misstep, but he's not surprised. Baekhyun’s life has been a stack of bloopers from the start until now. To come across the one person who would knock down the walls and fuck it all up couldn’t be a discrepancy.

Now, he sits and waits after putting everything on hold, just to spend a little time in the arms of love poison himself and, Sehun, as many times before, is late. Perhaps he’s at the university’s library or the burger shop with his foreign friends. Baekhyun likes them the most out of all of Sehun’s acquaintances, they’re not as clingy and superficial.

_ What about it? _ He ponders. He doesn’t hold the power to change it. Sehun would punish him with a month and a half of abstinence if he tried to force him to do anything at all.

After all, Baekhyun can’t be jealous of them as he is the one who gets to be,  truly,  with Sehun. He gets to cherish him like no one else, to embrace his every virtue as if he was a deity, to kiss and touch and love… even if Baekhyun can’t say it out loud, yet.

He lifts his body with tranquilness and pads to the kitchen area, right behind the large television he got Sehun for his birthday a few months ago. He makes himself a cup of instant coffee, and  he takes  eight seconds to return and plop down on the cold stool he sat before. The apartment is tiny, way too tiny.

What  if he asked Sehun to move in with him? Would his colorful coats and suits look too funky next to Sehun’s hoodies and t-shirts?

Pfft. Baekhyun snorts.

He isn’t ballsy enough to acknowledge how he feels out loud, and he’s already expecting them to live together. What a fucking joke.

“Pathetic,” he mutters before letting the burning coffee bite his tongue. He hisses and flicks his arm, making the liquid rain onto his pearl dress pants as he places the mug next to his gun. The blotch of amber bleeding on the fabric doesn’t phase him as much as it should. He drops his lids, struggles for a while to find whatever to muse of as he tarries for Sehun to come back. This is nine days after they last saw one another. Too long.

Baekhyun came into Sehun’s life when he showed up at his apartment on a Monday, with Kyungsoo and Jongin by his side, ready to bury a bullet deep into the  callow boy ’s head… Stupid  boy , who did he think he was?  He applauded the execution of his master-plan. Robbing a  supposedly  secure place in the middle of the day couldn’t be  an effortless task ,  especially  for first-timers, but Sehun and his partner in crime did it with no consequences.  Of course, their intentions weren’t  nearly  as selfish as Baekhyun’s and his ring. Young, stupid Sehun and his friend did it to pay for a classmate’s pricey medical treatment; they didn’t expect to end up with five-times the money they  initially  estimated, but that’s an irrelevant part of the story—what matters is, with the naïve crude words a stupid young boy can articulate, Baekhyun gathered he needed Sehun by his side, playing whatever role he wanted to be, but be.

More than a year after their first encounter, there they are.

There  _ he  _ is.

"You're late," Baekhyun fusses, then crosses his arms over his chest once  _ his  _ stupid, young, beautiful boy opens the door. 

Sehun contemplates him wearing an unclear look, something between mock and tenderness that causes Baekhyun’s face to turn a flimsy shade of crimson. Because of anger or because of embarrassment—he doesn’t know.

“Yeah? ,” Sehun utters as he bends down, his black drawstring pants loose everywhere except his butt, not much of a surprise, however, Baekhyun cannot help but stare at the smooth fullness. “I don’t think so.” He looks up to leer at Baekhyun before taking those hideous lilac sneakers a friend of his gifted him a very long time ago. Emphasis on  _ long _ .

Baekhyun frowns and  rapidly looks at the clock on the bedside table. It’s  _ definitely  _ late.

“Your last class finished at–” He gets cut off.

“I told you I was going to the museum with Yoon.”

_ Yoon _ . Lilac sneakers buyer, partner in crime,  idiotically  in love with Sehun. A thick coat of disgust glides through Baekhyun’s tongue, instigating the most grotesque taste in his mouth, making him all kinds of nauseous.  _ Yoon _ .

“I don't trust him,” he  finally  says. 

“I do,” Sehun responds.

_ I _ _ know _ , Baekhyun thinks and groans. He leans the side of his body onto the  gigantic storage closet that occupies the entirety of one of the apartment’s walls. Everything he dislikes about Sehun’s friend slash partner-in-crime are things Sehun finds appealing. There is no use in trying to make him change his mind.

"Well... he robbed a loan agency, remember?" Baekhyun mentions, earning a sharp smile from Sehun as he rests his backpack on the floor, next to his desk. He notices the gun but doesn't mind it, not anymore.

"And I planned that, remember?" Sehun’s muffled titter comes way too adorable for Baekhyun’s ridiculous heart to handle.

If Baekhyun hadn’t been there, he wouldn’t believe the quiet boy before him carried out a crime, and made the police and everyone around look like fools. Except for Baekhyun , because inexperienced little Sehun and his idiot friend Yoonseok didn’t realize they were not stealing from a loan agency but from a cavernous money laundering scheme—that Baekhyun is a part of.

"So what?" He says. "You're you."

One more sprinkle of lovesick-ness and Baekhyun will  be utterly lost . Sehun rolls his eyes and shoots him a fond half-smile. With gentle steps, he strolls towards Baekhyun as he gets rid of all his extra garments, like the reading glasses hanging from that lavender polo shirt Baekhyun loves because it makes his shoulders look gigantic and his chest mushy— especially  mushy after  a void day of longing.

“You had snail for breakfast?” Baekhyun blurts as he stretches his arms to reach for Sehun and pulls him closer quickly .

“What’s with you today?” Sehun giggles as he lowers his head to let the tip of his nose brush Baekhyun’s tenderly, and Baekhyun’s chest aches as he tries desperately to hold on to Sehun forever.

"Missed me?" Sehun asks as they scuff their way to the bed, with Baekhyun walking backward and Sehun leading him. Kind of how it goes in everything else they do, even if it gives the impression of being the opposite.

Baekhyun doesn’t answer, instead, he climbs atop the mattress and pats the space between his thighs. “Come here.” He  finally  says. With his back resting on the wall and the enchanting sight of Sehun crawling towards him, little by little, Baekhyun thinks he couldn’t ever feel more content than now.

After a few minutes of lying there comfortably , Baekhyun says: “I still don’t like Yoonseok, can’t trust him.” He lets his lips linger over the skin of Sehun's jaw. A faint scent of a cologne that's not his, finding its way through his sinuses. “Tired?” He asks, trying his best to remain calm, even if the thought of Sehun getting close enough to any other man makes him lose his mind.

“Kind of.” Sehun responds in a mutter.

A timid shiver melts over Baekhyun’s chest, noticing the compliance in Sehun’s voice.

“Too tired?” He asks, knowing Sehun’s answer beforehand.

“Never for you.”

Baekhyun sighs as his chest bubbles, wanting to have all of Sehun for himself. Not only his body, not only his emotions, not only his deepest thoughts but all of him.  Everything Sehun did, Baekhyun wanted to see.  Everything Sehun spoke, Baekhyun wanted to hear.  Everything Sehun wanted, Baekhyun wanted to be. He wants so much, too much, and he can give too little even if he’s already given himself entirely .

“You took  _ way too long _ to get here,” Baekhyun sighs and drags his breath against Sehun’s clothed shoulders. Ripping out the fabric sounds like  a splendid idea because it’s only being a nuisance, but he won’t because he has learned: no one messes with Sehun’s comfy clothes. “Too fucking long, baby.”

"And?" The question flutters from Sehun’s mouth.

"And I'm horny as fuck."  _ I missed you. _

"And?" Sehun asks again.

"And that," Baekhyun hisses. He cannot say it. He doesn’t say his chest cannot bear the flame, cannot bottle up the wonderment every time Sehun exists near him, so he silences it with fast actions and dirty talk. "Just want your  big cock in my mouth, then mine in your ass."

Without a word, Sehun peels the shirt from his body and tosses it across the bed. He turns his face to press his and Baekhyun’s lips together in an unselfish peck, and it then that Baekhyun digests the grim taste of regret.

"Why can't you say it?" Sehun queries  softly . His eyes glow crystal clear, as if holding back liquid diamonds. For the first time, Baekhyun doesn’t have a proper answer.

"Say what?" He asks defensively .

Then it’s not gloom, nor regret, it’s rancor that fires up the boy's irises.

"That you missed me." Sehun bites his lips.

And how  pathetically  painful Baekhyun missed him.

“'Cause I didn't.” He says, lies. Again. He’s used to it, he doesn’t know better.

"So you just missed my cock and my ass," Sehun snorts dryly .

"What else’s there to miss?"

Baekhyun doesn’t  have time to speak any other word because Sehun twists his position before he can blink, and shifts his legs to straddle him  heavily,  his thighs constraining every one of his movements.

It's the dour look in Sehun’s eyes, slithering  hastily  beyond Baekhyun’s anima that makes him halt and stare, think blank, rack his brains. Not more than a second has passed when Baekhyun cannot bear the strain nigh his core any longer.  He stares at his eyes for more than he should, and after a little while, he decides it's time to wipe off every trace of someone else from Sehun's body. His gaze commands Sehun to get close, close, and closer until their gaping mouths lap and their digits melt into each other. In a swift movement, he brings his needy lips to Sehun's neck, letting his tongue and teeth clash against the sensitive skin, making Sehun suck a breath in. Abruptly , the temperature of the room ignites Baekhyun’s nub, making his limbs flutter, not giving him any other option than to clutch and tighten his grip on Sehun’s hips.

“You indulge in irritating me, don’t you?” Baekhyun mutters as his lips drape over Sehun’s cheek.

“What did I do now?” Sehun’s light chuckle transforms into a quiet growl after Baekhyun skims his hips lightly against Sehun’s semi-erection.

“You,” Baekhyun sighs, “you’re too much, and I want to have you all at once–” his open mouth reaches the curve of Sehun’s throat, biting, sucking, licking.  _ Jesus, how much he had missed him. _ Even if Sehun’s rich cologne had mixed with somebody else’s, even if that meant  the beginning of their epilogue– “but I can’t.” He  gradually  gives up the silkiness of Sehun’s skin to drag himself from beneath Sehun’s body to the edge of the bed and then out of it. “Sit here,” he instructs Sehun, patting a spot on the corner of the mattress, right beside the window. When Sehun does, Baekhyun drops  directly  onto his knees, nuzzling at his crotch a little too leniently , a little too sweet. As if saying,  _ use me _ . As if saying,  _ I am for you to consume _ . Consume me whole.

“Need some help?” He hears Sehun say.

“Hush. I’m having a moment.” Baekhyun drones. He opens his mouth wide and draws out his tongue, then he slides it over the outline of Sehun’s length over his pants.

Baekhyun can feel him getting tense, paralyzed, but that’s not how he wants this to go. Not today, not right now. He pulls the elastic band in a haste, and his knuckles singe as they brush the strip of hair below Sehun’s belly button, when he drags only the front of his boxers down.

"I’m never getting used to how big you are," he whispers as his half-opened lips wander along the vein under Sehun’s cock. It would be easier to take it in if he  wasn’t too terribly aroused . Makes his mind vague, his sight hazy.

“Please,” Sehun gasps half a second before threading his fingers into Baekhyun’s black hair.

Scarlet flames burst within his veins once Sehun settles heavily in his mouth. Slight endlessness passes ere the motion begins, with Baekhyun looking up  candidly at Sehun’s eyes, raising an eyebrow and causing Sehun’s cheeks to bloom a  pretty  pink.

“Can I?” Sehun asks, seizing Baekhyun’s head strongly , and Baekhyun answers by brushing the tip of his tongue across the length of Sehun’s cock while burrowing his grasp to the duvet, his hands on each side of Sehun’s thighs.

Sehun begins slowly , rocking his hips back and forth in slow motion as he toys with Baekhyun’s thick strands of hair. Baekhyun notices, from his position, that the boy is trying his best to keep his mouth shut, but as soon as he swirls his tongue over the shaft and hollows his cheeks, the boy can’t help but hiss a guttural “fuck” and shove his cock deeper inside Baekhyun’s mouth. It’s thrilling and indecent the way his body trembles, with raging crimson fussing within his nerves, feeling and tasting and breathing Sehun, scalding his coherence to the point of succumbing into a niche of lust.

Once Sehun’s thrusts start dwindling and getting sloppy, Baekhyun pulls his head back, leaving a dainty thread of saliva bridging from his bottom lip to Sehun’s glans. “Don’t come yet.” He grabs Sehun’s cock by the base, and darts to his balls to press kittenish licks and nibbles all over.

“Oh my–,” Sehun heaves– “fuck me, please.”

Baekhyun’s head spins relentlessly and without a second thought, he rushes to the bedside table to grab the lube and a condom, quickly opening the bottle whilst Sehun takes the rest of his clothes off.

“Lie down,” he orders and Sehun obeys instantly. “What a good boy.” Baekhyun winks at him as he takes the bottle of lube to the bed and places it next to his body. “Spread your legs for me, baby.”

“You still have everything on,” Sehun whines, making Baekhyun roll his eyes. He ends up unzipping his coffee and pre-cum stained pants, and throwing them to the floor along with his boxers, then unbuttoning his fit shirt and leaving it on, complying to the boy’s unspoken but well-known wishes. Sehun seems pleased by the sight.

“Happy now?” Baekhyun asks, and Sehun smiles as he bites his lower lip.

“I- I stretched myself this morning,” he moans at the instant he feels Baekhyun’s fingers encircling his entrance.

“You what?” Baekhyun asks in a groan. “You went to class, then went out with Yoonseok–” he easily pushes two fingers in, causing Sehun’s head to melt onto the mattress– “while ready to get fucked?”

Sehun’s toes curl and his throat gives in, releasing one broken cry as Baekhyun finds his prostate and starts massaging it awfully slowly.

“S-sorry,” Sehun gasps, “I’m sorry.”

If the sight of Sehun’s half-opened eyelids and swollen mouth weren’t enough to drive Baekhyun insane, it was the flushed cheeks and fucked up caramel hair sprawling on top of the cherry duvet. “It’s all right, baby,” Baekhyun coos and pulls his fingers out, then he picks both of Sehun’s legs and sets them up over his shoulders. “Ready?”

Sehun looks at him and nods rapidly. “Please,” he urges as he tries to near his body closer to Baekhyun’s. 

Their eyes lock the moment Baekhyun’s cock sinks and stretches Sehun’s walls in one rapid motion, the warm feeling around him flickering sharply, piercing and engulfing Baekhyun’s stomach. He stops for a couple of seconds, trying to get adjusted to the increasing high being drawn to Sehun causes on him, trying not to go out of his mind and ram into him churlishly.

“Move,” Sehun sighs as he presses his palms to the sides of Baekhyun’s hips, trying to encourage the motion.

“Wait- hold on. Hold on.” Baekhyun gulps. He inhales sharply and keeps the oxygen in his lungs until the pandemonium nigh his brain becomes a weak bedlam. “Okay,” he breathes, “okay.” He rests his palms on Sehun’s thighs right before beginning to slink smoothly inside Sehun.

Only then, as Sehun grasps for his hands and intertwines their fingers, he realizes there is no way Sehun isn’t aware of his obvious feelings; not when his eyes wander so tenderly over a body he’s supposed to only desire and his digits instantly soothe the red marks he left earlier on his hips. 

"Faster," Sehun moans, honey gushing from his lips, words ready to be devoured by a starving Baekhyun who’s hungry for devotion.

Sehun hastens the movement of his hips refusing to wait any longer, leading Baekhyun to unravel their fingers and bring his hands to the curve of Sehun’s pelvis, clenching past compassion, urging his swing imprudently and forcing Sehun’s fingers to cling to the duvet until his knuckles are white.

Being together feels so honest, Baekhyun finds it impossible to consider they are not made for each other. There isn’t a simpler or more irrefutable explanation than to have been the same entity before life, distanced and broken apart for centuries until it was time to meet again. Finding each other was only a matter of time. 

"Fuck," Baekhyun growls, stops, and hunches his back to reach for Sehun’s lips, just before the inherent voltage crawling onto his crotch grows stronger. "You feel so good, baby."

As their tongues enrapture in a perfect state of carnality, Baekhyun figures that’s how galaxies must feel like, full of grand stars, bright entities, unknown mysteries, and mirages. Always ready for novelties but never quite used to it. Cherishing Sehun ignites Baekhyun’s marrow with grace and kindness, virtues he never saw in himself and never intended to possess.

“B-Baek.” Sehun rolls his hips almost violently. “Let me–” he whimpers as his body clenches around Baekhyun– “let me ride you, yeah?”

As if Baekhyun’s self-control wasn’t wrecked before, Sehun’s muted brush over the straight, inked line on Baekhyun’s torso benumbs his senses to the point of eliding the space, until Sehun pushes against his chest, soothing palms creeping up to his shoulders just as Baekhyun’s back reaches the bed.

For Baekhyun, it is a delightful sight to contemplate. He wants to reach for Sehun’s face, pull him closer and kiss him mindlessly but all Sehun does is run his fingers over Baekhyun’s skin, as if the motion didn’t light up sharp iced fire through his veins.

“What are you doing?” Baekhyun asks in an annoyed tone. As much as he loves staring at Sehun, his dick is getting cold and no amount of love in this world would warm it unless the love came in the form of a pretty hole. Sehun’s pretty hole, preferably. “Come on, just sit on–” 

“Better?” Sehun releases a throaty laugh after, indeed, sitting on Baekhyun's cock.

“Much,” Baekhyun winks and places his hands on both sides of Sehun’s hips, starting to thrust just a little.

“I really like your tattoo,” Sehun says between gasps. “I- I pray it works every day.”

Baekhyun instinctively looks down at his shoulder, where the white crossed-spears were inked five years ago. “Pray?” He asks.

“Yeah.” Sehun nods as his body quietly bounces up and down. “You said,” he sighs, “it means ‘protection’, right?”

Baekhyun is aware of the warmth surging on his cheeks as soon as Sehun giggles, then stops moving and leans down to capture his lips in a subtle kiss. Baekhyun doesn’t understand the wild reaction of his heart-rate as much as he understands it. Sehun prays for him.  _ Sehun prays for him _ . And, as far as he knows, Sehun doesn’t pray.

“Why?” Baekhyun asks in the middle of the kiss. “I think I don’t deserve any prayers.”

Sehun presses his lips in a straight line.

“I don’t care if you do or you don’t.” He pecks Baekhyun’s cheek, then his chin. “I need you to always be protected since you can’t always be safe.”

_ God. _ God. God. God. 

"I–" Baekhyun wants to say it. "Sehun, I–"  _ I love you.  _ "I–I think I–" but he can't.

Sehun's expectant eyes lose their usual gleam after a few seconds of ringing silence, an excruciating bullet fires far into Baekhyun’s core. A bullet he shot himself.

“Stop talking and fuck me.” Sehun hums, nuzzling his face in the crook of Baekhyun’s neck, tracing weak patterns with his lips and urging his hips back and forth. “Like the first time. Remember?”

Baekhyun remembers. Their dalliance began on the flat-folding seats of his Paladise, with Jongin and Chanyeol on each side of the car, guarding their boss and his prey with a gun in hand. Baekhyun recalls being particularly harsh and vulgar, though, the noxious but palpable tension between the two taking over their common sense, wantonness ingrained within their entrails. Baekhyun, too, remembers they plighted to stop, because tangling business and pleasure never ensued in safe outcomes. Then, he remembers them not giving a shit about said plight, and doing it again, and again, and again. 

Until they refrained and it became something else. Something louder, something brighter, something gentler. Something called love.

So, Baekhyun made love to Sehun, just like the first time.

In the  heat of the moment , he lost himself in blissful ignorance, heedless of the outcome of his own actions during the past year and, more precisely , within the past few weeks.

Sehun had said the words, he had pleaded and asked. Multiple times, not one. Baekhyun had shrugged it off because Sehun always, always, always came back to him but, lately , Sehun gazes at him like he’s trying to contain the memory. Save it for later when he’s gone, when everything’s done.

"You weren't so tired after all ," Baekhyun clears his throat, barricading every previous thought in the very gut of his system.

“I guess not,” Sehun answers with a giggle.

There it is again. The stare. Sehun looks at him  quiescently  and tardy, his pupils linger on Baekhyun’s eyes as his fingers trace the lines of Baekhyun’s tattoos. He relives the days when Sehun would ask what each ink meant, wanting to know their story because, according to him, that meant getting to know the canvas. Back then, Baekhyun couldn’t comprehend why a goody-two-shoes was interested in him. He still can’t.

Why does someone like Sehun want to let someone like Baekhyun in?

He  instinctively  grabs Sehun’s waist and pulls him nearer, expecting the man before him doesn’t notice the dejected look his face  cast in less than a second .

"Yoonseok asked me out," Sehun confesses a few seconds after. 

Baekhyun scoffs. That fool never stops trying.

"What is it this time? Breakfast? Dinner? Lunch again? Or the movies?" He can’t help but cackle.

"As in dating," Sehun says. 

Baekhyun looks at him, he stares heavily and slips away into the enquiry of Sehun’s gaze.

What is it? In his chest he clutches, crushes and constrains the feeling he’s too scared to unveil.

What is it? It’s imminent, it’s there. It’s unfaked. But what is it?

He knows.

He knows.

He knows.

"Poor bastard," Baekhyun sighs, "his face must’ve been a fucking circus when you rejected him." He closes his eyes and folds his arms  strongly  around Sehun. He isn’t ready for this. No. This  isn’t supposed to happen. This is not how it should work for them, they’re not the same as everybody else, what they have is enough. It is not only sex. Sehun knows that, Baekhyun trusts that he knows.

"I didn't reject him," Sehun mutters.

No.

That is not what Sehun  is supposed to say.

What is going on?

"I mean… I haven't, I don't have an answer yet," Sehun keeps going.

Everything. Everyfuckingthing is going on.

Baekhyun laughs shallowly .

"I'm in your fucking bed, I think you know your fucking answer," he hisses. 

Sehun backs away from him.

No. 

No, don’t do that. Not that.

"We–this  means nothing ." Fuck. Fuckfuckfuck–

It means everything.

_ You are everything _ .

Can’t he see?

Baekhyun averts his head to the other side of the room, his chest cannot hold the misery Sehun’s words singe in his pith. They’re not honey anymore, Baekhyun doesn’t want to indulge in them, they’re not medicine but an elixir of bane.

“You have said it yourself.” Sehun shifts his position, lifting one side of his body with the elbow, his incandescent gaze searching for Baekhyun’s eyes. "You said it before, you only miss me when you wanna fuck me–" he sniffles– "he misses me, he wants me, not–not my–my..."

The room falls mute. Raucous in Baekhyun’s ears, piercing through his roots, denting the aerial equilibrium Sehun brought to him. 

"You saying you don't feel your heart fucking coming out of your fucking chest every time you see me? Every time I look at you? Every time I fucking touch you?" He snaps and turns his head back to him. "Don't fool yourself. You like  _ me _ , you want  _ me _ . Not  _ him _ ."

“I–” Sehun gulps, “that's not–you know,” he tries to speak, but Baekhyun’s harsh, furious eyes seem to make his resolve weaken. “It's not up to me.”

Sehun never asked for permission, especially for the way he intruded his way into Baekhuyn’s crux. It would be easier for the both of them if Sehun just left. No options on the table, no decisions to make, only heartache and irk to take.

"Then who?" Baekhyun sighs, and instantly knows he has asked the wrong question, because Sehun stares at him irefully, his eyes becoming glassy and his mouth quivering.

"It's… it's up to you," Sehun whispers.

Baekhyun tried to fight it, he tugged at his greed and lechery... but Sehun was too good at making him understand, at making him care, at making him feel. 

Long ago, Baekhyun would have died laughing at the heartfelt confession of a young man. Today, he could die mourning the loss of the only love he’s ever had.

"What?" Baekhyun smirks. "The fuck’s my part in this?"

He knows, once again, he knows.

How could he not know if he had two eyes and one heart?

But it’s always easier to put up a front, to masquerade his senses and anesthetize the flame.

"None,” Sehun susurrates. “Nevermind this."

Baekhyun stares at him, already yearning. "Would it  make a difference ?" He holds off his words. He gulps. He bumps his palms onto his sides, where the sheets lie still warm without Sehun. They’re getting chilly. He’s getting bitter. "If I said anything?"

Sehun rolls his eyes, takes the blankets off of his body and sits on the corner of the mattress. Baekhyun catches him eyeing the floor, a custom habit for whenever he’s unsatisfied or gloomy; usually, Baekhyun is the one to get him out of his head but, to his heart’s discontent, Baekhyun is the one to blame this time.

"No, not anything. You know well what I mean, you know what I want to hear and that I only want to hear it if it's the truth." Sehun speaks with sourness on his tongue.

There, Baekhyun’s innards gather oodles of memories, echoes; he drifts and raves into them, lingering on each of them. They’re all Sehun, they’re all weaknesses.

"What if I don't know if it's the truth yet?" Baekhyun asks.

He can’t say it.

What is he so afraid of?

Here, there, doesn’t feel real enough.

"Come on, Hundred." Baekhyun swallows hard. Sehun hasn’t called him by his  poorly  chosen nickname after– "You're not fifteen, we're not in high school, you don't get to do that." Sehun slides himself off the bed and throws his boxers on in a quick movement.

"So, if I tell you I want you for me," Baekhyun shouts  nonchalantly , and continues, "that I need you, that I love you–" he gets up and grabs Sehun’s wrist before he can go further– "and you believe me and later I realize it's not true? Then what happens?"

Sehun clenches his jaw before Baekhyun finishes his sentences. "I'm not asking you to say it if you're unsure," he murmurs, "I'm saying I've been waiting for long enough. By now, you either love me or you never will."

“It's not that simple,” Baekhyun retorts.

"Yes, it is." Sehun finally releases himself from Baekhyun’s grip. "Do you love me or do you not?" 

"I don't know." 

"Yes, you know." Baekhyun can hear the exasperation in Sehun’s voice. "Do you love me?" Sehun asks again.

"I–I don't–"

"That's a no," Sehun states.

Shit.

"No! Come on," he urges. "Sehun, please."

"Please, what?" Sehun calls out.

“Give me some time.”

“I've given you enough,” Sehun snorts, “I can give you more but I won't stop myself from meeting other people, not anymore.”

“That's not giving me time," Baekhyun groans as his heart rate dwindles by the second, saying  _ if you don’t fix this you die _ .

“We've been dancing around for more than a year,” Sehun sighs.

Baekhyun thinks it would be best if he quieted himself once more, at the end, only he will hurt the most. Sehun has a good life, he had a good life before Baekhyun despite the circumstances when they met, Sehun will be just fine.

Baekhyun has the chance to be selfless, to disguise his love as lust and leave.

He could let Sehun move on, he could let him be happy, find a normal person, and live a normal life. No more guns on his desk or prayers that his loved one doesn’t get shot in his sleep.

He will be fine, eventually, and Sehun will be happier.

What a shame it doesn’t work that way when one’s in-fucking-love, from the hair tips to the toes.

"You're right." Baekhyun admits.

"Yeah, I know." Sehun snorts and wipes the tiny blobs of water on his eyelashes.

Baekhyun smiles, not fully, just a tiny curve on his lips.

“I love you.” His voice falters. “I want this, and I want you.”

Sehun lets out a yelp of surprise, and all Baekhyun thinks is how motherfuckingly adorable he looks: only with boxers on and a wrinkled shirt in his hands.

“Are you... are you sure?” Sehun asks in awe as his fingers move around the fabric of the cloth he’s holding. 

Now, Baekhyun doesn’t have any clothes on anymore, but he still gets up from the bed, walks towards Sehun and looks him in the eye. 

“I do,” he says. “I love you.”

Like a rampage, a monsoon of ecstasy roars into Sehun’s body, and Baekhyun can tell, by the way Sehun throws the shirt to the air, and envelopes his arms around him in the most vehement hug he has ever felt. Baekhyun, also tells Sehun is trying to collect himself, to restrain the joy and simmer down.

“I love you,” Baekhyun repeats.

Sehun yelps, again. “Wow,” he mutters on Baekhyun’s neck.

“What?” Baekhyun asks as his lips stroll over Sehun’s collarbones.

“You… you’ve changed.”

Baekhyun smiles, wholeheartedly this time.

“I guess.” He chuckles. “Because of you.”

And now Sehun is helpless, too powerless and unable to keep holding back.

“Okay, big boy. Get comfy ‘cause you’re getting your dick sucked for the first time  _ as my boyfriend _ .” Sehun chirps merrily.

“I’m your boyfriend?” Baekhyun’s eyes grow wide.

“Obviously?” Sehun groans and pushes him to the bed. “Now shut up, I’m giving you the blow-job of your life.”

Baekhyun titters. “Aw,  big deal going on, huh?”

Sehun raises an eyebrow, kneels in front of Baekhyun and takes his semi-hard cock from the base.

“You  have no idea .”

**Author's Note:**

> A little surprised you made it until here... BIG THANK YOU IF YOU DID! :D
> 
> I'll say more once reveals are up but, for now, I hope you enjoyed this little thing I wrote, it is really hard for me to write smut but I Tried, pls don't be too harsh uwu
> 
> Thank you, again, for reading!


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